His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
