party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
