There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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