so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I AM VODKA MAN
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
