i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
