I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i think i have two assholes
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
