dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
two words: eviction party
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
