I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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