she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
