I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
