From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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