The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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