Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
