I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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