I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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