Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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