When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
