What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
