i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Is it penis luge time yet?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
