Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
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Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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