wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
