You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
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You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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