You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
