So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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