I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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