So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
