Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
