Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
