i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
