he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
