I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
