is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just cropdusted the office
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
