he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
its liver damage thursday
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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