I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
