You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
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if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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