FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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