i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
