You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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