my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
