Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
