Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
