is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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