I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
