you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
