just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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