I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
