Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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