dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
