don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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