hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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