then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
