Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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