That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
