this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
