i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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