Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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