Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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