This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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