If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
