Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
