There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
