i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
