dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
