yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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