I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
