I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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