i would punch a child for taco bell
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
