god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
