You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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