Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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