Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
