Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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