Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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