the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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