So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
