At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
