I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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