you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I love having hate sex.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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